Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
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