I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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