he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
