yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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