just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Randomize
