I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
