I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
