I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
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