The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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