i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
