dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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