my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
