I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
