I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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