oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
