Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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