i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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