Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
