still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
