and you said cock pushups were impossible
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
