You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
