Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
