I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
