You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
