I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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