remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
