I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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