Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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