I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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