If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Randomize
