I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
