my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
