I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
