broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
