i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Randomize
