I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
