I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
