just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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