Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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