just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
