Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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