i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
