from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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