My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
