No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
