I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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