Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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