after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
