I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
