Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
