This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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