im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
