I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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