im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
