someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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