So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Randomize
